Tag Archives: women

Straight Girl in a Swinger’s World

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I have always considered myself painfully hetero.

I know this makes me an anomaly as a female. I am not here to make sweeping generalizations about anyone’s sexuality, but the vast majority of women I know are interested in some girl/girl action. Their threesome fantasies involve other women long before you throw in another man. Mine? Not so much. I am all about MFM encounters. I can’t say why. It could be that I like the attention. It could be that I like feeling in charge and other women intimidate me. It could be that I just like cock and am comfortable handling it. But, for whatever reason, I am a minority.

It is not that Dr. R and I aren’t open to couple play. It is preferred really, but I still feel like I need to connect with the wife first. In my tiny, toe dipped in experience in the swinging world at Desire, the females call the shots. They start all the encounters. This is so far out of my element. I have no idea how to approach women in sexual way. They are my friends. My confidents. My tribe. I am not sure how to open that archetype to include a sexual component. I have never met a woman and felt the attraction that I have with men. The sizzle of chemistry. YET, this is a side of my sexuality I am very curious about. I like kissing women. The few encounters I’ve had I have really enjoyed. Could it be that my own self view is holding me back? Or could it be that I am trying to fit into what I believe is a prototypical swinger?

I am honestly not sure! I have never been one to do something just because the cool kids were doing it. I tend to follow my own drum. But there is a nagging feeling of “don’t knock it until you’ve tried it”, and a feeling that it is more my ingrained identity than my actual preference. Like I have told myself my whole life that I don’t like fish, and suddenly at 35 I try fish, like it, and wonder if it was just the chef or that my tastes have changed. Should I try more fish? But then I may hate it and have to send it back embarrassed. But think of what I am missing if I do like fish and never order it again. This is a strange analogy for the fairer sex, but you follow. It is a ton of overthinking on my part…

Or is it that I feel like my chances of finding a MFM encounter are decreased because I don’t want to play with the wife? That I feel it is an expectation and I’m not sure how to handle it? I know that is a mark of inexperience though. A sign that I need to be more comfortable expressing my desires from the get-go. But how does one approach another woman and request to play with her husband? There has to be a female rapport. It is all so foreign to me. It is a lot of pressure orchestrating this for someone who has never even dated!

I have just come realize there that I have no idea how to navigate women or the couple dynamic. I am fumbling and na├»ve. Sexual attraction makes me feel powerful and, in this new world of swinging and playing with women, I am not confident enough to feel powerful. I think more nights at Desire, more practice, is necessary. I feel like I missed several opportunities this trip because I didn’t know what to do when approached by the wife. The sad part is that these were amazing women! Beautiful, funny, smart women. Sandra and Crystal, I hope you know who you are. And in hindsight I wish I had relaxed and held on for the ride myself. I would have loved to play with these women but just got in my own way. Next time I will try not to make the same mistake. I will try to stay open and cast aside whatever preconceived notions I have about my own sexuality or limitations.

I mean, how else am I supposed to learn? I need to test the waters and find my flow…