I knew as soon as we were passing through security that my trip was going to be awesome. As I waltzed into the airport, Dr. R and I both had large carry on backpacks full of toys. There is no way I was going to risk losing the luggage and I couldn’t decide which ones to leave behind. We didn’t need clothes, after all, so the bags were full of dicks. I was honestly not thinking about them as I went through security. It was early. I was preoccupied with gate information. But as I walked away from the security check, Dr. R said, “The TSA agent is looking at you.” I turned around to see a twenty something male leaning back in his chair, giving me a disbelieving, side eyed smirk. I just smiled back. I was wholly unconcerned what that guy was thinking (although I think it was more amazement than judgment. There were A LOT of penises), and we were ready to party. It kicked the trip off nicely.
I was surprised at how much emotion comes out when the clothes come off. Overall, it was a week of tequila and amazing people, but being our first trip, some things surprised me! I am not easily surprised. I felt that I had done my research. I knew what to pack and where to go. I just didn’t plan for how I would react. I thought I knew, but I was wrong. It was an eye opening experience, for sure, and I can’t wait to go back. There was a lot of…growth…in Cancun. I feel like I need a do over now that I am more prepared!
Let me remind you, that we are not swingers. We have not been with others, but we approached this vacation from a “we’ll see what happens” perspective. If we hit it off with someone, we were free to explore as we liked. We quickly realized that it is SO MUCH harder than you would think to find a couple that you BOTH find attractive, that are attracted to you, and that you can make a connection with. It is worse than dating, and even that is something I have ZERO experience doing! I swear it would be easier to just walk up and ask if someone wanted to have sex. Maybe I am just direct like that. It was complicated by the fact that we wanted to play together, not on our own, and I am not very interested in girl/girl play. I love women. I just love men more. 🙂 So, a threesome would likely be a MFM situation. It seemed harder to find. Sadly, we did not find another couple to play with. But, honestly, I was ok with that. You can’t engineer chemistry. I was not interested in trying to make something happen just because we were on vacation. It is not a goal to be obtained. It is merely a freedom and an honesty we allow each other to enjoy. That being said, we did enjoy some very lovely kisses from a couple at the sister property. So, I guess we got to swinger first base. Naked, so, maybe leading off first….
I had far too much fun dressing up for the theme nights as well. I love lingerie. I love to feel sexy. I also love to surprise people and be a bit of a spectacle. It spits in the face of my very shy, younger self. I am too old to be timid. Life is too short. I was feeling a bit more self conscious than usual at first. It surprised me. I felt the need to “fit in” when I clearly don’t and that bothered me. The first night I was a bit cautious about changing from my relatively full coverage black cocktail dress into my very sheer, pale lace chemise for the disco. I eventually did, but still felt self conscious. So, when the night came around for me to wear my most daring outfit – a super fun ringmaster outfit with crotchless panties, pasties, and a top hat – I wasn’t sure I had it in me. It bothered me that I was questioning myself. It made me really unhappy. So, Dr. R encouraged me to go change. He said, “You will regret it if you don’t.” And he was right. I went back to the room and put on my crotchless big girl panties. I walked back to the party, took a deep breath, and strutted inside. Immediately, I felt better. I felt like myself. And the amazing people at the resort embraced that. Suddenly I was having much more fun. Talking to people. Engaging. Being present and not a wallflower. We met so many fun people that night. We danced. We drank. We played in the Sin Room. It opened up the entire rest of the trip for me. So much so that the next night, on lingerie night, I competed in a sexy dance competition and won. I got up and danced for the entire resort. No longer a bystander in my own life. It has been a sort of motto for me this year and I really embraced it that night. Hey, you only live once!
We also had sex in public. This was a huge eye opener for me. Clearly, I am a bit of an exhibitionist. I wouldn’t be writing details of our sex life for all you fine people if I wasn’t. I have fantasized many times about being watched. I have amazing sex and showing that off is hot. The thing I never really considered was my audience. I honestly got stage fright. I started to wonder if I could perform. If I was taking too long. If that guy watching was seriously creepy instead of erotically enwrapped. I realized that my fantasy was a bit more that someone could see. That I may not know. A group of people you just had drinks with staring at you was a lot to take in I guess. I was seriously disappointed in my reaction. Both because it meant that I rushed sex and that I was letting my insecurities ruin a fantasy that I had for years. A fantasy that I was very much looking forward to fulfilling. That was on day two. I really wanted to try again once I had time to process my surprising reaction, but the weather never cooperated!! It started raining every time I mentioned it! And the last night that we could have, I was having way too much fun doing body shots with a lovely couple and pretending to be a fountain in the Jacuzzi. I was all for playtime (I had even packed a bag of tricks!) but the wind was so cold. Alas….next time…
I do believe when we go back there will be much more sex. I have worked through my unexpected insecurities. I know what to expect. After being approached by a few couples (even though we didn’t play) I feel like I understand how the process works. The etiquette of it all. Dr. R and I had great sex and finally got to try out my newest Vixskin! It just didn’t involve others as much as we had hoped. I didn’t get to bring anyone up to see my dildo collection. I was looking forward to sharing those. It is quite a scene. As it stands, I only got to show those to the TSA agent.