Hello there…

image_zpsuua0xbq6Life has seen to it that Dr. R and I haven’t had sex in a week. That is awhile for us, especially since we are preparing for a sexy vacation in Mexico. But, alas, no nookie for me lately. So, I was quite surprised last night when he pulled me in for a cuddle. Half asleep and barely conscious, I laid there, little spoon to his big, and felt the warmth of his body long mine. His arm was under my neck and his head was buried into my shoulder. I was relishing the heat and physical contact when I felt him reach down and pull out his dick. I sleep in panties so I felt the warm, soft skin along my bare ass. And he just started jerking himself off. There is something sexy about a man who takes charge of his own pleasure. I love to watch him masterbate. Unapologeticlly. He wrapped his arm across my chest and held me there. Whispering in my ear, “My cock is so hard right now” and telling me how good it felt. I love to have my neck kissed and his hot breath in my ear made my muscles clench. He couldn’t touch me and that made it all the hotter. I started to squirm in his arms. Trying to abate the growing tension that I knew I couldn’t release. His pace became faster, harder, more ardent. His grip on me tighter. He bit into my shoulder. My heart was racing at this point. I tried to reach behind me but couldn’t get my hand into position. I stroked his balls, desperate to touch him. He pause to reach for some coconut oil and let it melt down his cock. I traced the line down under his sack, pushing and teasing while he continued to pound. The oil had made him slick and the sound was visceral. I teased his ass, entered him, and felt him contract. The pressure was mounting and I was buzzing. He came and I just sat there. Surprised, still half asleep and amazed. I was incredibly turned on and he hadn’t even been able to touch me.
Instead of feeling used, I felt special that I was the object of his desire. I loved that sometimes pleasure and intimacy aren’t a mutual thing. Sometimes it is phenomenal to watch your partner be a sexual being apart. I love to see him go for what he wants. It reminded me that although we haven’t been able to have PIV sex lately, we can keep thing alive in other ways. And that absence does make the heart grow fonder sometimes. Or the loins grow wetter. Whichever is more applicable for the time. Let’s just say it primed me for when I finally get to have my go. My Love still surprises me. Sometimes he really does know what I need, even when I don’t.

Some sexy stuff from some sexy people : Elust #78

Malin James Elust 78 Header Image
Photo courtesy of Malin James

Welcome to Elust #78

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #79? Start with the rules, come back February 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!


~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Balance of Light
Advent Calendar 2015 – Day 24

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Why Sex Fiction?
On using him

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*

Guest blog: ‘Quite Delightful’, James Deen and me
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!


Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Make-Up Sex
Wide Open
Believe in You
I am softly athletic
Making a Short Story Long

Erotic Fiction

First Kiss
God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
A Spicey Christmas Eve Tale…..
The Annual Christmas Party
If Only He’d Said Yes…
Very Very Necessary
Holly and Ivy…
Frothy White Stuff
God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
30 Minutes

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Stress Makes You Blind and Your Cum Orange
On Eating Ass
Confessions of an Ambivalent Masochist
Joyous Jizz


Ode To My Favorite Sex Toy

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Lady Fapping: The Itty Bitty Kitty Committee
Does Size Matter?
A Feminist’s Guide to Sexting with Cavemen

Erotic Non-Fiction

Having Angelic Sex With The Virgin Mary
New Lingerie


The First Day of the Rest of Our Lives
40. 41. One.
ELust Site Badge

Review: Vixen’s Randy in Vixskin

image_zpsi07y7vw5I had owned Randy for a FULL WEEK before we got to try him out. That is a long time for me. Usually, I am so excited to get a new toy, I basically skip down the driveway to meet the delivery truck. I was that excited about this toy as well, but…life. Upcoming vacation, parents flying in, life. So, in the carry on it went along with two huge bags of toys to be experimented with on vacation. Not a bad setting for Randy’s maiden voyage!

As you may know, I am not a stranger to larger toys. I would not say I am a size queen by any stretch of the imagination, but, unless they have a tight g-spot curve, I like them thick. This dildo is stout. At just under 2.25″ wide, it is only a smidge smaller than my largest dildo, TRex. Dr. R bought this in response to my experience with TRex. If you read my review of that toy, you will see that I had a hard time orgasming around it. It is so big and so firm – which is great for getting me there!- that when I came I had no room to actually flex. It is hard to describe, but I couldn’t get that good, deep, hard clench. Randy is made of Vixen’s delicious Vixskin. It is a dual density toy just like my current favorite, Maverick. This means that it is firm on the inside but covered in a softer silicone, making it lifelike, soft, and silky. Was this the solution? A softer exterior I could come around? Overall, yes. I won’t say I get the strongest orgasm still, but it is better. There is enough give that I am not left writhing in frustration. I call that a win.

Another issue I had with TRex was the length and coronal ridge. The insertable lengths are nearly the same for both toys, but Randy seems shorter. It could be the softer material. It could be that you have to hold Randy at the base and so you are not inserting all 6″, whereas you can hold TRex way down at the flared base and shove all that length up there. I am not sure, but Randy does not hit my cervix uncomfortably. There is no hard ridge to catch on my pubic bone either (although that ridge does great things for my g-spot. Are you seeing my love/hate relationship with that toy?). It just fills me up nicely with no uncomfortable edges.

I am falling in love with the Vixskin line in general. The material is just so…luscious. It warms to body temp quickly and feels silky smooth with just enough friction. It is incredibly lifelike! And the dual density really does give you the best of both worlds. It is not a gimmick. I love my Cush O2 from Tantus as well for the same reason, but the Vixskin line just seems to be a bit softer. Randy also comes in standard silicone (as opposed to Vixskin) if you prefer the smoother silicone exterior. Either choice is the highest quality platinum silicone. Cleans up easily and can be boiled for sterilization. 100% body safe and can be used with a harness for extra fun. All good things.

I am impressed with Randy (and Dr. R’s unwavering dedication to finding toys that work for me.). It does give me the fullest penetration I am looking for right now and allows me room to grab hold. If you like girth, give him a shot. You will not be disappointed!

If only he’d said yes…

We were already downstairs when we heard the car pull up. My husband took a seat in the back of the room. As they came down the stairs I could see the flush fill her cheeks.
I walked over to her, took her bag, and lead her into the room. Her husband followed behind, looking a bit cautious.
“It is going to be ok. I promise you will enjoy this. Both of you.”
I asked him to undress to his boxers and take a seat next to my husband. He obliged. There they were. Our audience. Already buzzing with anticipation.
I turned to her. She was fidgeting with her hair and trying to act natural. She wasn’t sure what tonight would bring, what I could show her.
“Lets get you settled now.”
I slid her shirt up over her head. Kissed her neck. I walked around her and kissed the nape, the shoulder, the hollow. Lovely thing. As my hand circled her, I undid the clasp on her bra. She wiggled and let it fall to the floor. She had amazing breasts. Full and large on her small frame. I couldn’t wait to see them with her arms above her head. I grabbed my cuffs and restrained her wrists. Her heart started pounding and a smile crossed her face.
“This is the part you were looking forward to?”
“Oh yes.”
With a laugh I let her know this was merely the set up. I loved that I was privileged to give this to her.
“Good. You are easy to please then.”
I hooked her cuffs to the ceiling. There she stood, arms over head, those gorgeous breasts exposed and lifted. I unbuttoned her jeans and slid them down over her hips. Her black lace boyshorts hugged her curves. I love black lace. I turned her to face the men.
“Look how beautiful your wife looks.”
The husbands just nodded. Visibly excited and shifting a bit in their seats. They mirrored each other with their broad shoulders and dark hair. I was glad they were enjoying the show so far.
I ran my hands down her sides as I stood behind her. I pulled her ass to my hips and trailed my hands down her thighs, pushing them open until her feet spread. I ran my fingertips under her breasts and her skin prickled. I bit her neck again and trailed kisses down her spine. I let my hands and lips wander along her breasts, her abdomen, the small of her back. I raked my nails up her spread thighs. I loved having access to all sides of her. I could tell she was enjoying herself by the shallow breaths and responsive skin even though she was quiet and still half dressed.
I motioned to her husband to come over to us.
“I’d like you to follow what I say. Can you do that?”
“I believe so.”
“Ok. Good. Kneel in front of her.”
As he dropped to his knees, so did I behind her. I grabbed her rosy ass with both hands and kissed the dimples in her back. I took those black lace panties in my teeth and tugged, pulling them down to the ground and slipping them off her feet. Now she was fully undressed and presented to her husband.
“Lick your wife. Do not touch her. Use only your mouth. Slowly.”
I spread her legs as wide as the suspension would allow. She was soaked and starting to squirm. Her husband bent down and trailed his tongue over her clit. She was grateful for stimulation finally. She groaned and leaned her hips into his face. I pulled her hips back into position.
“Try to stay still.”
He continued to work her clit. Passing his tongue over her labia. Dipping it in and out. Toying with her clit. She was swollen and wet and ready but it wasn’t time yet. I let him continue and walked over to my patiently awaiting husband. I kissed him and ran my fingers over the prominent ridge I could feel through his boxers. They were starting to get wet as his erection continued.
“Are you enjoying the show?”
“Of course.”
“Your turn is coming. What toys would you like to see her get fucked with?”
He grabbed my blue Cush and sent me on my work. Good choice. The Cush is big, but not too big. It would fill her nicely. Then he handed me a small black plug. I knew my guest had never experimented with anal play, so I raised my eyebrow in surprise.
“Trust me.” he said.
I took both toys back to my lovely plaything, grabbing my blindfold on the way. I covered her eyes. I wanted her to experience the sensations as they came, not as she expected them. I pulled out the coconut oil and lubed up the plug. As I ran several lubed fingers over her ass, she gasped. Her husband had to chase her with his mouth as she leaned back into me.
“Ah. Ah. Stay still.”
I watched her husband gingerly kiss and suck and my heart raced. She was pink and swollen and begging and I wasn’t far behind. My own lacy panties were soaked. My own clit throbbing. It was an amazing thrill showing her my world. A world of toys and tension and play.
I ran the plug between her cheeks and nudged it inside. Her back arched allowing me to slide it into her ass.
“Keep licking her. She will relax” I instructed.
She was mere breaths away from coming. The sensation of the plug filling her ass was foreign and overwhelming. So full, so OPEN. Now drips were trailing down the inside of her thighs. I didn’t need the lube for the Cush. I eased it into her cunt and she cried out. Slowly, I fucked her, matching her husband’s languid licks. She moaned and rocked on the toy. She was stuffed. Her limits stretched farther than they had been. She came with a rough shudder, and arched back, and a stifled yell. The flush filling her chest and every hair on her body stood on end.
I motioned for her husband to return to his seat. Reaching up, I unhooked the cuffs and removed the blindfold. I kissed her swollen mouth and removed the plug.
“How ya doing?”
She just kissed me back. I held her hand and took her to the men. We both fell to our knees in front of our husbands. I pulled back my husbands boxers and slid them down his hips. His cock was expectant. My guest did the same. God, it was an amazing sight. These two, sexy men, waiting for us. I licked his cock from the base to tip, tasting his salty expectations. She followed suit and soon we were both sucking and stroking and licking. I turned to kiss her and undid my bra. Bare breast brushing against each other. It is such as different feeling than a man. Something I never thought would be such a turn on, but here I was. Enwrapped.
We both turned to her husband. 4 hands, 2 mouths, 2 tongues. Wrapping around him. Taking turns running tasting him; kissing each other; tasting him in her mouth. My husband got out of his seat and came up behind me. His fingers found my cunt and finally gave me the stimulation I needed. I rocked back on his hand as fingers dipped in and out, circling my clit, filing me up. I was so close but didn’t want to come just yet. The tension was too delicious.
“I’ll be right back.”
I stood to leave and my lovely guest took both men into her hands. She traded them back and forth into her mouth. I knew they were in good hands for a second.
I grabbed my harness and Fuze. I put a vibrator into the toy. I was ready. I had never fucked a woman before. I was very much looking forward to the experience.
When I returned to them, my husbands adept hands had moved on to her clit. Her husband was kissing her breasts. I followed suit, taking her nipple into my mouth and drawing. My tongue teasing her. I turned her over, on her knees in front of her husband. She continued to go down on him and I turned on my vibrator. I slowly slid the toy into her. Fucking her softly and slowly as she sucked her husband’s cock. It was a luscious sight and was so appreciated by my husband, he came behind me and slid his cock into me. He fucked me and his thrusts translated into my thrusts into her. I was pressed between them. He held me into her, being sure the vibrator was driving me crazy. He pulled out and drove back in. He grabbed my hips and fucked. Hard, deep, rhythmic, penetrating movements. Within moments, she let out orgasmic moans muffled by the cock in her mouth. I was quick to follow, being fucked against a beautiful woman becoming too much for me to hold out. I screamed and my husband kissed me, sucking the breath right out of me. I pulled out of her and climbed on top of my husband. She stood and sat on her husband’s lap, riding him until he came. Breathless and stunned. I settled on my husband’s cock. Bouncing my ass on his dick. Drawing it back in quick strokes. He moaned and twitched and came inside me.
The four of us collapsed, sweaty, flushed, and content.
“So, what are you guys doing next weekend?”

Fantasies by New Sensations Tales from the Edge

1758477hDr. R and I had all but given up on New Sensations lately. The scenes were cheesy and expected. They seemed to be forcibly romantic and almost exclusively MF pairings. I still enjoy them on certain nights (they tend to have decent looking men…) but they bore the hell out of him. But he found Fantasies a few weeks ago and decided to get it because it had interesting pairings and a few of my favorite actors – Xander Corvus and Richie Calhoun. So, we gave it a shot. I was pleasantly surprised.

Fantasies is part of their Tales from the Edge series. This makes me laugh because their “Edge” is basically standard porn. There is nothing in this that I would call kink or even edgy. A blindfold. A third (or fourth) person. More MFM interaction. I am not sure what is super scandalous about this movie but I was happy to see somethings mixing up their normal pairing. I was at least interested to see what the next scene held.

The first scene was great. It is a group of college graduates playing poker and celebrating that their college careers had come to an end. There are three male friends and one female (you see where this is going) who appears to have been the girlfriend of an old fourth male friend. She starts talking about how she has no crazy college stories and strip poker ensues….It stars Carter Cruise, Michael Vegas, Richie Calhoun, and Xander Corvus. I have waxed poetic about Xander before (he actually has two scenes in this movie), but I really like him. He doesn’t stand out in this scene but he is his typical, adorable self. If you watch any of his movies, he is actually amusing to watch, natural, and really takes care of the women he is working with. He holds his own here. I also have come to really enjoy Richie Calhoun. Also amusing and natural to watch. At first glance, he isn’t super attractive but he has a certain sex appeal. I don’t watch much BDSM porn, but I have seen him in a dominant role. It is natural for him. He captures my attention for sure. Even in this scene, with two other men, you can tell he is in charge of the situation. Michael Vegas and Carter Cruise were good as well. I have to give her respect for a double vaginal penetration involving Xander and Michael. Holy hell.

The second scene didn’t hold my attention as well, but it wasn’t bad. The overview is that Toni Ribas and Richie Calhoun are picked up by a stranger, Sara Luvv, and brought to her hotel room for some anonymous sex. Richie Calhoun tapes Toni and Sara while they fuck. Even in this scene, I found Richie’s voyeurism, facial expressions, ect., more engaging than the couple having sex. I guess he is just my thing. The scene was long, not particularly memorable. Eh.

The third scene stars Xander Corvus again (and Ryan Mclane and Chanel Preston). Woohoo. This fantasy was pretty cool. Basically, Ryan Mclane Houdini-ed his wife. He blindfolded her, started rubbing her back, talking about their fantasy of having another man join them, and he switches places with Xander. Now Xander is rubbing her back, unbeknownst to Chanel, and proceeds to go down on her as Ryan describes their “fantasy.” She comes and they take off her blindfold. She freaks out (understandably so, technically she’s been violated by a man she doesn’t know!) but they talk and decide to take it further. It was also a pretty long scene, and I missed the end of it…..but I am sure it was good.

The last scene is just a MF pairing but does toss in the interracial quotient (oooo…edgy). Starring Stallion and Katrina Jade. The box says “Passions ignite when Katrina invites a colleague over to hammer out a contract drawn up by her husband – a contract that involves her having sex with another man… Him.” Sounds hot. I was a bit preoccupied by the time this scene came on so I don’t have much to say about it in particular. I’m not sorry.

Overall, this movie still suffers from the plight of the drawn out sex scenes. It is a real problem in American porn. Two of these scenes come in at over 50 minutes! Now, I have sex for that long, but watching it for that long is a completely different thing. Any tension, surprise, intrigue that was ignited at the start of the scene starts to wane after that long. The super close shot of a cock thrusting in and out gets old after a bit. They have to keep mixing it up to keep my interest for an hour. Even with sexy men. Maybe I am high maintenance. BUT, it did surprise me, which is something porn hasn’t done lately. It could have been my low expectations, but this movie made me smile. It is a great movie for couples, and totally accessible for couples just venturing into porn. The men are sexy (no oily beau hunks here); the women are surprisingly attractive. The scenes are creative and well executed for porn acting. Well done New Sensations. Maybe I’ll check out more of your Edge.

Lessons learned at Desire

image_zpscrqlvuavI knew as soon as we were passing through security that my trip was going to be awesome. As I waltzed into the airport, Dr. R and I both had large carry on backpacks full of toys. There is no way I was going to risk losing the luggage and I couldn’t decide which ones to leave behind. We didn’t need clothes, after all, so the bags were full of dicks. I was honestly not thinking about them as I went through security. It was early. I was preoccupied with gate information. But as I walked away from the security check, Dr. R said, “The TSA agent is looking at you.” I turned around to see a twenty something male leaning back in his chair, giving me a disbelieving, side eyed smirk. I just smiled back. I was wholly unconcerned what that guy was thinking (although I think it was more amazement than judgment. There were A LOT of penises), and we were ready to party. It kicked the trip off nicely.

I was surprised at how much emotion comes out when the clothes come off. Overall, it was a week of tequila and amazing people, but being our first trip, some things surprised me! I am not easily surprised. I felt that I had done my research. I knew what to pack and where to go. I just didn’t plan for how I would react. I thought I knew, but I was wrong. It was an eye opening experience, for sure, and I can’t wait to go back. There was a lot of…growth…in Cancun. I feel like I need a do over now that I am more prepared!

Let me remind you, that we are not swingers. We have not been with others, but we approached this vacation from a “we’ll see what happens” perspective. If we hit it off with someone, we were free to explore as we liked. We quickly realized that it is SO MUCH harder than you would think to find a couple that you BOTH find attractive, that are attracted to you, and that you can make a connection with. It is worse than dating, and even that is something I have ZERO experience doing! I swear it would be easier to just walk up and ask if someone wanted to have sex. Maybe I am just direct like that. It was complicated by the fact that we wanted to play together, not on our own, and I am not very interested in girl/girl play. I love women. I just love men more. 🙂 So, a threesome would likely be a MFM situation. It seemed harder to find. Sadly, we did not find another couple to play with. But, honestly, I was ok with that. You can’t engineer chemistry. I was not interested in trying to make something happen just because we were on vacation. It is not a goal to be obtained. It is merely a freedom and an honesty we allow each other to enjoy. That being said, we did enjoy some very lovely kisses from a couple at the sister property. So, I guess we got to swinger first base. Naked, so, maybe leading off first….

I had far too much fun dressing up for the theme nights as well. I love lingerie. I love to feel sexy. I also love to surprise people and be a bit of a spectacle. It spits in the face of my very shy, younger self. I am too old to be timid. Life is too short. I was feeling a bit more self conscious than usual at first. It surprised me. I felt the need to “fit in” when I clearly don’t and that bothered me. The first night I was a bit cautious about changing from my relatively full coverage black cocktail dress into my very sheer, pale lace chemise for the disco. I eventually did, but still felt self conscious. So, when the night came around for me to wear my most daring outfit – a super fun ringmaster outfit with crotchless panties, pasties, and a top hat – I wasn’t sure I had it in me. It bothered me that I was questioning myself. It made me really unhappy. So, Dr. R encouraged me to go change. He said, “You will regret it if you don’t.” And he was right. I went back to the room and put on my crotchless big girl panties. I walked back to the party, took a deep breath, and strutted inside. Immediately, I felt better. I felt like myself. And the amazing people at the resort embraced that. Suddenly I was having much more fun. Talking to people. Engaging. Being present and not a wallflower. We met so many fun people that night. We danced. We drank. We played in the Sin Room. It opened up the entire rest of the trip for me. So much so that the next night, on lingerie night, I competed in a sexy dance competition and won. I got up and danced for the entire resort. No longer a bystander in my own life. It has been a sort of motto for me this year and I really embraced it that night. Hey, you only live once!

We also had sex in public. This was a huge eye opener for me. Clearly, I am a bit of an exhibitionist. I wouldn’t be writing details of our sex life for all you fine people if I wasn’t. I have fantasized many times about being watched. I have amazing sex and showing that off is hot. The thing I never really considered was my audience. I honestly got stage fright. I started to wonder if I could perform. If I was taking too long. If that guy watching was seriously creepy instead of erotically enwrapped. I realized that my fantasy was a bit more that someone could see. That I may not know. A group of people you just had drinks with staring at you was a lot to take in I guess. I was seriously disappointed in my reaction. Both because it meant that I rushed sex and that I was letting my insecurities ruin a fantasy that I had for years. A fantasy that I was very much looking forward to fulfilling. That was on day two. I really wanted to try again once I had time to process my surprising reaction, but the weather never cooperated!! It started raining every time I mentioned it! And the last night that we could have, I was having way too much fun doing body shots with a lovely couple and pretending to be a fountain in the Jacuzzi. I was all for playtime (I had even packed a bag of tricks!) but the wind was so cold. Alas….next time…

I do believe when we go back there will be much more sex. I have worked through my unexpected insecurities. I know what to expect. After being approached by a few couples (even though we didn’t play) I feel like I understand how the process works. The etiquette of it all. Dr. R and I had great sex and finally got to try out my newest Vixskin! It just didn’t involve others as much as we had hoped. I didn’t get to bring anyone up to see my dildo collection. I was looking forward to sharing those. It is quite a scene. As it stands, I only got to show those to the TSA agent.

Review: Sportsheets Ménage à Trois strap on kit

Who doesn’t love a good DP? I picked up this harness on a whim. Dr. R and I have been getting more and more into anal play lately and the fantasy of a MFM interaction. This seemed very appropriate. I have to say, I am enjoying this new accessory more than I even thought I would.

The harness itself is a simple design. It is two ‘O’ rings attached to one another, held on with nylon straps in a thong shape. The kit comes with two sets of cock rings – one metal and one rubber. Dr. R does not enjoy the metal cock rings so we tend to stick with the rubber. Dr. R says it is not the most comfortable thing in the world (he is not used to a nylon thong, after all) but “so what.” It does not seem to distract him. A jock strap design with elastic may have been more comfortable. The snaps tend to rub a bit. He will happily don the harness though and hasn’t chafed him yet. It also includes a 1.25″ wide silicone dildo. There is nothing spectacular about the included dildo. It is a very basic, smooth, 5.75″ shaft with a head shape. It is perfectly fine, but we prefer some of our other toys.image_zpsfh2k95wx

image_zpswa1rvs4rThe rubber ‘O’ ring has accommodated any of my other toys. We aren’t using large toys in it though. One downsize is that the strap between the rings is not removable. Due to the design of the thong, the rings must be attached to one another. Otherwise, the anal toy would just shift around. If the strap between the rings was snap on as well, you could change out the cock rings to whatever you liked. Larger size, different material, whatever floats your boat. Unfortunately, you can’t. You have to use the ones they provide. It hasn’t been an issue for us, but it could be if you are a more experience anal sex participant. Another thing to watch out for is the angle of the dildo. We tried the Fuze in it and realized it’s angle was far to steep. It pointed upward too much and he couldn’t get the angle correct for double penetration. I am sure that could be overcome by some creative positioning, but it is just something to be aware of.

The fact is, despite enjoying it, I have a hard time with anal sex. Dr. R is just bigger than I can handle most of the time. This harness allows him to penetrate me vaginally, and I can select a more appropriate sized toy for the anal sex. Combine this with my Tango and holy fuck. That’s an intense orgasm. The idea of having two men to myself is insanely hot, but even if that isn’t your fantasy, this harness is lots of fun. Dr. R and I experiment with various plugs and dildos all the time, but something about being fucked just amps it up. All that stimulation. All at once. And him grabbing my hips and pounding into me…..I get distracted just thinking about it. It is overwhelming in the best possible sense of the word. His hands aren’t busy working the various toys down there, but instead, he is engaged in the activity as well. Dare I say, it is one of my favorite purchases lately! It just offers options, and who doesn’t like options?

I’m back, baby

It is amazing what a few days off the devil pills can do. Within a week, I felt different. Cliché as it is, I felt a spark. I felt something come back alive inside of me. Its been a busy week and my libido is still coming in fits and spurts but we have had some amazing sex lately. Some fun new toys to tell you all about. I promise I’ll get writing straight away! Just let me find some pants…

The Pill is not liberation

I need to get on a soapbox for a bit and I feel that some explination is due for my lack of posts lately. About 5 weeks ago I went back on the pill for a short time. It is amazing how different I feel. I hate it and I will tell you why.


Not just the sex drive (I will talk more about that in a minute) but all the passions. Anything I care about is dulled down to a whisper. I am a walking ball of apathy. It is the definition of depression for me.

Now, a bit of backstory. I have been on birth control in one form or another since I was 17. I started on Depo-Provera (the shot) for two cycles. The first cycle left me feeling blah, but by the end of the second cycle, I had gained 45 lbs in 6 months and was nearly suicidal. I went onto the pill for the next few years and tried many different brands and doses of hormones. All of them left me feeling hollow with no drive at all. Lastly, I tried a Mirena IUD. This seemed great until about a year in when my cramps between periods became intolerable and I started growing FACIAL HAIR.

So, I went off birth control. It was finally ok to do that in my life, and I have not taken hormonal birth control in 5 years. I realized that there were so many things I just took to be “how I was” or assumed they were a part of my depression, but they were, in fact, a side effect of messing with my hormones. There are a few side effects that are obvious, such as an increase sex drive. Now, mind you, I have always been interested in sex. I was on birth control all throughout college when I studied human sexuality. The interest has never left me, but the DRIVE had. Suddenly I WANTED sex again. I felt sexy. I could tell when I was ovulating because I suddenly couldn’t get enough. My skin also cleared up. Even the hormonal, PMSy kind that pops up once a month. Those weren’t as bad.

Others were less obvious. I started tanning in the summer again. I figured I was just pale, but I used to tan as a kid! Suddenly, I had a summer glow again. I stopped wanted to eat constantly. Weight gain is a side effect of hormonal birth control but I didn’t realize how much it was affecting my appetite. I was always a snacker, now, not so much. My hair stopped falling out as profusely and grew thicker again. More than all of that though, I found a new energy. A new connection to myself. I always commented that I felt like a part of me had died since leaving home. That there was a vitality I couldn’t seem to regain once I had left all my family and friends behind. That I never really felt like myself again. Little did I know, going off birth control gave me that back. It had nothing to do with where I was or who I was with. It was as if birth control had dampened my ME-ness. It had stripped me of my passion in more ways than one and I was so excited to have that back.

I told Dr. R I was never going on birth control again. EVER. I had done it for over 10 years, birthed two children, and I was done. He fully supported that decision because he saw how different I was. He saw me embrace my sexuality and find my joie de vivre again. The girl he fell in love with was back and he didn’t want to lose her any more than I did.

I know there are many women who have been on birth control since they were young, just like I was, for various reasons. They may not even realize what it is changing in them. The pill was seen as this amazing, magic tablet that would allow women to finally be free in their sexuality, to unapologetically revel in their femininity. In reality, it has dampened our fire and deadened our drives. Essentially, wiping out the very thing we were hoping to finally liberate. I am hopeful as research continues we will find more effective barrier methods and stop unnecessarily playing with hormone levels. I am also happy that the burden of birth control has shifted to a SLIGHTLY more balanced place. It is a work in progress for sure.

So here I am on the pill again for a short time. I hate it. I apologize for the lack of sexy stories and reviews. I promise I will get right back to them in two more weeks. I mean, my vacation to Desire Pearl is coming up in less than a month!

Review: Vixskin Maverick by Vixen

MaverickThe clouds have parted. I have seen the light. I have been wrong for years. About everything. This dildo, Vixskin’s Maverick by Vixen, is the exact toy I would have shied away from in a former life. I thought realistic dildos just seemed so…disembodied. I thought I preferred a more abstract cock. Something that looked like a TOY, not a poor dick with no sexy man attached. I also didn’t believe that expensive dildos could really be THAT different for the money (I did learn that awhile back, but my frugality still casts a cynical eye.) But, I was so very, very wrong. In the past year I have acquired several flesh toned, more authentic dildos (like the Captain). None of them compare to the Maverick. This toy is awesome. I have so many praises to sing that I am having a hard time organizing my thoughts. I will do my best.

Ok, shape. Maverick is a big toy. It is just slightly smaller than my TRex at 2″ wide. It is 7″ long. The shaft is thick all the way down with a pronounced coronal ridge and skin folds at the head. It curves oh so gracefully upward so that ridge hits my gspot in the very best way. The width is enough to fill me but the squishy outer layer makes it very comfortable. Because it is so full, that coronal ridge also stimulates my gspot. It is just all sensation. All around. 7 inches is a good length for me as well. It is long enough to play around with depth but not so long that I get cervical hits if we get too excited. That is a bit of a buzzkill when that happens. It also has a flared base, making it both anal safe and harness compatible. Although I am nowhere near ready to try a toy this size anally.

Texture. This is where the Vixskin line really has me. Vixskin are dual density like my Cush. That means that there is a firmer silicone “core” and a softer outer layer. They are engineered to resemble real skin. It sounds freaky (see disembodied comment above) but it works so well. The core is firm, but does have a bit of flex. It gives a bit on its own but won’t bend in half. The outer layer is very soft, both to the touch and in terms of density. It is squishy and velvety. It has a touch of drag which I love. A bit of friction is a good thing. And is warms to body temperature very quickly. When inserted, it feels amazingly life like. I told Dr. R it still lacks that electric, human quotient. But other than having a pulse, they nailed it. And unlike my TRex, I have not experienced the frustration upon orgasm with this toy. The soft layer gives me something to grab onto! It is just a warm, soft, filling cock…

As far as the safety specs, Vixen makes 100% premium silicone dildos so they are easy to clean and sterilize. Soap and water, boil, dishwasher. It is body safe, phthalate free.

I realized that some luxury toys are absolutely worth the money. There is a lot that goes into the design beyond “shaped like a penis” and engineering that goes into the material. It is well worth the investment for a quality, safe toy. I have also come to terms with the realistic dildo. It is meant to look and feel like a penis. That is not a bad thing. And as for the lack of man attached, I never thought about Dr. R! He is “attached”. Sexy man box ticked.