“You may not make it to bed tonight.”
He sat a large lockbox on the couch and sat at the other end. Wow. Dr. R had been shopping. I opened the case and started digging through all my new toys. It was packed full. A new vibrator, new anal toys, several new dildos…He had replaced all my old, porous toys with new, silicone ones. I am just learning about how unregulated the toy industry is despite using them for over a decade. Needless to say, there was a lot to replace…
“We are trying all of these tonight?!”
It really was going to be a long night.
Reviews to come…
Dr. R and I were discussing the old adage that men reach their sexual peak at age 18, but females don’t until our mid thirties. He strongly agreed. I passionately disagreed. I mean, a woman’s body is in peak baby making shape around 18, so why would that not be her sexual peak? I’m not going to lie. I was seriously saddened by the thought that my best sex was behind me at such a young age. Then he clarified his point. I was assuming that biological peak also meant sexual peak. They seem to coincide for guys, but not so for women. It did give me pause. I am now in my mid thirties and I, as well as most of my friends, DO seem to be in our peak. Why? Why now? What is it that keeps women from enjoying this side of themselves until they are 30?
I immediately thought about the pressures of society and how they affect a woman’s view of her sexuality. 18 year olds are not allowed to be sexual. There are far too many things to worry about – pregnancy, disease, reputation, self-respect. I am not saying women aren’t sexually active at that age. I certainly was. I am just saying I couldn’t scream it from the rooftops. There was nothing about my biology that would keep me from reproducing, but there were plenty of reasons I shouldn’t. It was always very clear that sex was not appropriate. Sex education at my Catholic high school consisted of an STD slide show. Sex was for marriage. Quietly. At home. In bed. Missionary position. Sex at 18 was secret. Naughty. Forbidden. I was not allowed to even consider reaching any sort of sexual peak at that age. No matter how sexually driven I was, the time was not right.
Dr. R on the other hand suggested it was tied to our maturity level at 18. That really made me think. At first I was offended. You mean to tell me that women aren’t mature enough to handle our sexuality at 18 but guys are!?!? No, not at all. Guys just don’t have to be mature to peak I guess. Female sexuality is much more complicated (this is coming from a man). At 18, we don’t know what we want. We have no idea how to ask for it. We are inhibited and cautious when approaching sex. He believes that it is some internal questions that haven’t been answered as opposed to some external pressure.
I now see it as both. Due to sociological pressures and limitations, most women don’t explore their sexuality. Alone or with others. They can’t mature into an expressive woman who knows what she wants. The whole topic was hushed. We arrive in adulthood wholly unprepared, and it isn’t until we are properly grown up that we allow ourselves to open up. Maybe it’s because the pressure of an unplanned pregnancy is a bit less. Maybe it’s because we no longer fear being labeled a slut, or, god forbid, our grandmothers finding out. I am not sure. I am sure it is different for most of us.
All I know is this driving force that is my spark, my pulse, my connection to the whole is fleeting and I must enjoy it in every way possible while it lasts. There is nothing like that quickened heartbeat. Nothing like the flush. Nothing like the tie that binds us. I no longer care if it is sociologically appropriate or if my grandmother finds out. I no longer care if my friends know what I did last Saturday (clearly). Label me a slut! I’ll take it. Wear it with pride. My life will not last forever and I hope to make my sexual journey a constant uphill slope. I don’t ever want to see the other side of some mythical peak.
Over the weekend, Dr. R and I watched Dorcel’s La Chasse. The movie itself was ok. Considering my French is spotty at best, the dialogue didn’t matter! But the premise, from what I could derive, was that the girls hid and the first guy to find them got to have sex with them. Now, this takes into consideration that you are miraculously at a party where you would gladly sleep with any participants, but what fun?!?! It certainly takes the old “key party” idea to a whole new level. Dress up in black. Do it at night. War paint. Everybody has a good time and the night finishes in the hot tub.
If I ever get around to holding my annual Bacchus, I’ll have to work in this theme!
I love the Tantus Cush O2. Like, love, love it. It is my go-to dildo by leaps and bounds. I may have several, but my Cush is my favorite.
It has an insert able length of 6.5″. Not too big, not too small. For me, it is just long enough that I can just hit my cervix if I want to really go for it but it’s not painful. The girth is key in my world. I am not a size queen by any means but I’ve had two kids. And pencil dicks never did it for me anyway. It is 1.75″ in diameter. Not a coke can, but a formidable size. The head is curved just enough that insertion is easy, but the dildo is certainly thick enough to fill me up delightfully.
It’s made of Pure silicone but has two layers. The inner core is firm. This guy is not going limp on you, and that cervical thrusting I mentioned earlier is made possible by the core. It doesn’t flop around. The outer layer is softer, squishier. It feels nice in your hand and makes for a more realistic feeling internally. It is a great combo and gives me the best of both worlds.
Now let’s talk about that curve. The design of the dildo is simple but brilliant. It is as if they actually researched the female form before designing this toy, not just emulating a penis. Tantus describes that curve as g-spot stimulation. It doesn’t work like that for me. I really prefer glass toys or something more curved and bulbous for g-spot stimulation. What that curve does do is stimulate the nerves at the opening of my vagina and internally. Women have a huge concentration of nerves right at the opening and this little swoop hits those beautifully. And it does so in a totally no rubbing/not painful way thanks to that softer outer layer. Drives me crazy when only inserted halfway or all the way to the base. Mmmmmm….I digress.
This toy can be used anally due to its flared base although I have not tried that. I have a hard time with Dr. R’s dick. Not sure I could handle my Cush, but more power to you if you can! The base also makes it harness friendly. And the 100% silicone makes it easy to clean. It is both bleachable and dishwasher safe.
I’ve heard rumors that Cush like to disappear. I would be online ordering a new one right away. Nothing else will do when I want that one…
I had read mixed reviews of the We-Vibe 4, but I was super excited to try it anyway. Before I was better educated on the dangers of some sex toy materials (read more about that here) I loved cheap vibrating rings. I loved that I could have sex in varying positions and get the clitoral stimulation I needed. It was a toy Dr. R and I could really share. So, when I started looking into couples vibrators, I had high hopes. I bit the bullet, ordered the toy, and anxiously awaited the delivery man.
WHAT I LIKED:
-rechargeable with a sleek charging station.
The day it came I couldn’t wait to put the kids to bed. Woohoo! New toys!! Then I realized I had to charge it for 4 hours first. Dun dun dun. I should have known that. Anyone who has reached for a vibrator only to hear the disappointingly sad buzz of low batteries knows that the rechargeable feature is well worth the initial charge. So, I plugged it in and waited until the next day. It comes with a great little case/charging station that you could easily keep on a side table, plugged in, and totally incognito. There it sat. Awaiting the next night.
-matte, smooth silicone
The toy is body safe, easily cleanable, and doesn’t collect fuzz. The surface is super smooth and comfortable when in use.
-the vibrations gave me a proper orgasm
Since having my kids, I just can’t get off by clitoral stimulation alone. Vibes generally don’t work well for me unless they are very strong, and then, the quality if the orgasm is…meh. It’s sort of spastic and not super satisfying. Not the case here! The vibrations aren’t super buzzy and I didn’t feel the need to flinch away once I came.
-we can use it together
It was not uncomfortable at all once Dr. R was in there. I was afraid I’d feel it rub the front of me, but nope! The vibrations didn’t do much for him (vibrators generally don’t though. That’s not specific to this toy) but they didn’t bother him at all.
WHAT I DIDNT LIKE:
-it’s a bit short for me
I’m a tall woman and I’ve had the issue with some rabbit vibes and the like that my physiology doesn’t quite match up. The clitoral vibrator doesn’t QUITE reach. When I was on top, I could sort of grind onto it and make it work.
-it doesn’t stay in place
I’m not sure how I thought it would but it moves around quite a lot. I expected it would shift side to side. It wants to expel itself though. It’s as if the elbow is too firm and the “C” wants to squeeze shut. Maybe that goes back to the shape of me.
-the motor isn’t super strong.
As I stated above, this is a positive and a negative. I wouldn’t be able to use this just as a vibrator alone.
-the remote didn’t always work
When the toy was between us, the toy didn’t respond to the remote, but the button on the toy is easy to reach.
Since our initial testing, DR. R used the toy on me as a vibrator. He used his fingers to apply pressure to the internal G spot vibrator. That was good. Almost better than using it during intercourse. Overall, it is a very high quality toy that I’m excited to experiment with further!