Monthly Archives: February 2015

I will never understand the war on porn

My husband and I have been watching porn for well over a decade now. We began young and have watched it together for most of our relationship. It’s a fun way to spend a Saturday night and has led to our hottest encounters for sure. We talk; we joke; we fantasize together. It’s actually, dare I say it, BONDING!
I know there is a whole world of pornography that I am not interested in. I know not all movies are made by compensated, consenting adults. I know that most of the big studio, big named, feature porn we watch is very vanilla. But, what is wrong with it? It has not hindered our ability to form a meaningful, lasting relationship. We’ve been together for 18 years for god sakes and have no plans of bailing soon. It has not caused harm to my delicate ego nor turned my husband into a mysoginistic pig. It has, in no way, skewed my view on human sexuality nor it’s role in pair bonding. I have not thrown in the towel when it comes to monogamy, although I’m not entirely sure it is a natural state for humans nor the most evolutionarily productive…
So, where is the problem? Do I think there are a lot of people who may use porn in an unhealthy way? Sure. Is there porn that is corrupt and horribly degrading to humanity? Certainly. But why the blanket hatred of the industry? To me, that’s like saying, “Drugs are bad.” Of course not. Drugs are used to treat disease, manage pain, and save lives every day. Are SOME drugs bad? Yes. Are some good drugs abused in harmful ways? Of course. It just doesn’t make sense to me that we wouldn’t fight the misuse or harmful parts, not pornography as a whole. Pornography has been discovered in ancient cultures all over the globe. Sex is an expressive act and a basely human experience. Its a common ground and a connecting force at its core. Let’s focus on that.
I have introduced several friends to porn and can happily report that none have turned into savage, sex maniacs. Yet. I’ll keep you posted though….

It is not always champagne and roses…

I had really awkward sex this weekend.

Dr. R and I just weren’t connecting. He wanted to chat and be playful and I just wanted a lustful fuck. It was the kind of sex where you are each finally just driving for an orgasm so you can go to sleep. We both wanted the intimacy but were on very different roads to find it. Despite having sex twice more, I’ve been irritable since!

Is there anything worse than bad sex? When you REALLY wanted good sex?

Why I am grateful for 50 Shades

I, like many red blooded women, went to see 50 Shades of Grey this weekend. I am not here to comment on the content of the book or the quality of the movie. It doesn’t matter to me if you enjoy BDSM or just reading about it, liked the romance in the story, or were horribly offended by it. What matters is that women are talking about it.

Women everywhere are talking about it.

It may have been acceptable to chat with your girl friends about sex in hushed tones over a Cosmo before, but now it’s ok to DISCUSS this book in public. To question. To wonder. To be excited about it. It doesn’t matter if you are an experienced Dominant or, just like Ana, are asking, “What’s a butt plug?” This book opened up a world of discussion for women. I think it actually made people research BDSM and understand it better. It introduced several of my friends to sex toys and some of my favorite ways to bring fun into their sex lives. It opened minds in a non threatening way. By being less graphic than erotica but more than a harlequin romance novel, it pushed their boundaries just enough, and since everyone read it, it was common ground for discussion.

Sex is a part of the human condition. It is as natural and as necessary as eating. It is something to take pleasure in! We all experience sex. It has never made sense to me why it is such a hushed subject. Even if your beliefs lend toward a more conservative view on sex, why is it something to be embarrassed about? This book took one more step to make sex a normal part of our daily lives. It reminded us to have fun with our lovers and revel in the power that sexuality holds. Why can’t we swap recipes and sex advice?

It seems like a lot of power to bestow on a book, but the power was finally back with women. They started asking themselves what they wanted in a sexual relationship. They started talking to friends about their experiences. They took ownership of it instead of seeing it as something men wanted to do TO them. Women are the sexual gatekeepers and, instead of hiding behind an iron gate with the lights off scared that someone will knock, some are standing guard out front. Sizing up visitors and rejecting fools.

In my world, anything that gets women talking about their sexuality is a good thing. Informed, self possessed women make better choices regarding their sexual health. So let’s keep talking. Let’s own our sensual side. Let’s stay open to new ideas, new conversations, new questions. I’m always up for recipe swaps and sex advice.

Vitruvian Man

“Well, hello there.”
He looked at me wide eyed. I came downstairs wearing my new black lace, peek-a-boo bra and panty set, black thigh highs, a black cardigan, and a masquerade mask. I carried in my arms my toy box, spreader bar, cuffs, and my black leather flogger.
“Hi”
I moved over to him without saying more than that and lead him to the back of the room. I put my things down and slowly lift his shirt over his head.
“Stay there.”
I stepped back and removed my sweater, letting it pool on the floor at my feet. Grabbing the sash, I walk back to him and blindfold him.
“Put your arms above your head”
I cuffed his right wrist, threaded the clasp through the chain in the ceiling, and cuffed his left.
“Mmmmmm. Now you are all mine.”
I could feel him instantly get hard. He liked being in my hands and I was going to enjoy every second of this. I ran my finders down his chest, along his ribs; kissed his neck and down his stomach. His boxer briefs came down in one smooth slide. The spreader bar went on next. Once he was totally naked, I stepped back to admire him. There he stood. Spread eagle. My very own Vitruvian Man. The longer I looked, the taughter he became. He liked being watched and the tension was palpatable.
“I have fantasized about you several times like this. Having this access to you. Are you comfortable?”
“Mmhmmm”
“Good”
I walked around him, lightly running my fingers over his flushed skin. Exploring the way his hips curved, his round ass, and that blessed V. Mine. All mine. His skin prickled. His breath quickened. His cock stiffened and showed its appreciation. I bent down and licked the clear drip off the head of his dick. I love that about my husband. When he is aroused, it’s almost like he’s begging to come. He gets slick and ready nearly as quickly as I do. But there was still more…
I bent down and grabbed the flogger. I started with some quick, soft passes over his groin. Just to awaken the nerves. More passes over his ribs, the crease of his ass, his upper thighs. I can hear his heart pounding. I see his muscles twitch and relax as the leather meets his skin. I circled him. Over and over. Admiring that beautiful form. I hate to use the word, but his cock was throbbing. So very hard and tight and dripping. And I hadn’t even touched him yet.
“Wait here”
As if he had much choice.
I bent down to open my toy box. Let’s push his limits tonight. Grabbing my small plug, I returned to him. It’s a bumpy plug, smaller at the tip, getting wider toward the base. I ran it down his back, over his hips, and down his ass. His breath caught. I pulled away, giving him a minute to process what was about to happen. He could hear me squeezed some lube on the toy, ensuring it was nice and slippery. His chest flushed and his breathing grew shallow. I ran my wet fingers between his cheeks, found that opening and pushed inside.
He audibly gasped as the sensation of my entry filled him.
“Are you good?”
“Mmhmmm”
I took the toy and fed the first ball in. He eagerly bent forward a bit, willing me to continue. Two, three, four. Soon he’d taken the whole toy.
“Good boy.”
Jesus, he was so lovely. Standing there. So pink and radiating heat. Nearly panting. His body begging to be touched. The lovely precum from his cock now coming in a steady drips. I tapped the base of the plug a few times and ran my fingers around his hip bone. I followed with my tongue. I kissed and nibbled and sucked along his pubic bone. Finally, I took him in my hands. He breathed out and threw his head back. I ran my tongue around his balls and up the length of him. So salty and wet. So deliciously eager. I couldn’t wait any longer. I plunged him into my mouth. Sucking and twisting my tongue around him.
“Oh god”
I don’t pull away. I keep sucking and licking. Faster and stronger. On my knees. Legs spread. Soaked and dripping. Suddenly I’m the one begging. Desperate for his release.
“Oh god. You are going to make me cum.”
I like to watch. I pull away and he cums all over my chest. Panting, heaving, blurry.
I reach up and undo his cuffs. I release his ankles and kiss his mouth. He falls to his knees on the floor with me.
“Happy Valentine’s Day. That was only round one…”

It IS Valentine’s Day after all…

It has been a long time since my husband and I actually went out on Valentines Day. It’s not worth the crazy race for reservations and fighting crowds. We prefer to stay in and make our own plans, if you can imagine. This year is no different but I am switching things up a bit.

It has been a relatively new development in my sexual history that I’ve come to accept my submissive nature (more on that later). Traditionally, I considered myself sexually aggressive. Far from a Domme but I would certainly hold my own. Dr. R and I am not in a D/s relationship but power play is something we like to experiment with. He takes a more dominant role the vast majority of the time but enjoys it when the pendulum swings back my way as well. So, tomorrow I’m in charge. I bought a new lingerie set and pulled out some old friends- flogger, harness, spreader bar…. I’m excited to see where the night takes us.

Details to follow.

I must have been very good this year…

Santa brought me a sex swing! I was quite excited to find that package under the tree. My husband got us the Fetish Fantasy Series Spinning Fantasy Swing. I had not previously done any research on sex swings so the choice was entirely Dr. R’s. I looked it over; it seemed well made. It has thick nylon straps and plastic adjusters. The pads are lined and very soft. So far so good. He proceeded to hang a large eye hook from a ceiling joist in our basement. I took one look at that tiny hook and got nervous. Seriously? I am a 6ft tall woman. I am no petite flower. That tiny hook is supposed to hold me?! Dr. R assured me that with the swing’s spring and that hook, I would be fine. The joist holds up the house, after all. I tested it out and after a bit of adjusting and a lot of laughing, I felt comfortable. I was more than comfortable, I was super excited to try this new toy out! I love sex toys and this one was also reminiscent of a playground! IT SPINS!

So the night came to try it out. We put on a movie (Dr. R is quite the porn curator. I believe that night it was a Pornochic…) and got comfortable. After quite a lot of foreplay it was time to get into the swing. This was different than just “testing it out.” I was naked and highly aroused. I was a bit woozy. He helped me into the swing and my first thought was “Holy hell, I am spread wide open.” I was laying on my back with my feet in the stirrups. It is an amazingly vulnerable feeling. It really increased the tension as he just stood there, looking at me, appreciating his new view. I relaxed a bit. I now understood why swings are also used as a bondage implement – you really are at the mercy of your lover. And I wasn’t even restrained! The power was definitely in his hands though. I was loving it. He was able to do as he pleased. He blindfolded me at first, and, honestly, I felt weightless. This is a feeling I will have to get used to. I was not spinning but I felt like I was. I was totally disoriented. It is a fun sensation to play with but for the first encounter it was a bit much. I took the blindfold off after a few minutes. I like to watch anyway. The swing has the added bonus of tilting my hips downward just enough that when he entered he was DEEP. Wonderfully so. And it required very little effort. I’ve always had the fantasy of passionate sex against a wall, my man holding me up….but again, I am not small of stature. My husband is taller than me, but not by much. The swing allowed for that feeling! He could wrap his arms around my hips and thrust as deep as he could. It was amazing. Neither of us lasted longer than five minutes with the swing. And after he helped me down, we were still ready for round two.

Overall, I highly recommend the swing – it is fun even if you don’t need a positioner or aren’t into BDSM play. It is adds a different element to the experience and keeps things interesting! I was comfortable the entire time. More than comfortable. Exposed. Enveloped. Flushed. Mmmmmm……

Now we just need to figure out how to explain the eye hook in our living room….

Hello

I have sat for days now thinking about what should be in my first post. It’s the first one. It has to SAY something. About me. About the blog. It needs to set a tone.

Too much pressure. It’s like New Years Eve. Inflated expectations lead to disappointment.

So I decided to just write something. Get that first entry out of the way. A friend of mine actually named my blog. She said it sounded like a sex newspaper. I loved that. It made me giggle. I hope this blog is informative and entertaining like a good paper. Although I am far from a sexpert or a journalist, I hope my stories make you curious, make you brave, and help you connect.

Thanks for coming along for the ride…